Today's lesson started with a Personal Development group (PD), because of the nature of last lesson's ending (Oct 22nd). So firstly it was a review of group dynamics and then an opportunity to talk about how the last lesson had ended.
Group Dynamics
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I am doing the October 22nd notes in two parts, as the second part on grief is probably going to be way long. Well actually no probably about it, it will be way long, but with pictures! phew.
Personal Journal entry for October 22nd.
Today I got a chance to react to what was said in Mondays lesson (Oct 20th). Some of the group were missing, so it was good and bad. It was good in the sense that it wasn't as intense, but bad because the rest of the group would have to be filled in anyways at some point. Everyone got to say their piece, but I was still angry and upset, so I just stated how I was feeling and left it at that. I did not feel any better, as I did not get the clarification that I wanted.
Where am I at emotionally now? Still feel upset by it all. On one hand its much much better to sort these grievances out, but on the other hand I want to bury my head in the sand and just hope it goes away. Also will the other people in the group trust me, even though I haven't done anything wrong. In my head I know that this is not even about me, but in my heart I feel hurt. I hate being so emotional about this, I never cry and yet I have two lessons in a row now!
Going through the group development model, does put some things in perspective and I can see the benefits of working through this "storming " process, as it will make the group as a whole better.
I think the October break is well needed, a week off to reflect.
(Yes I know its November, I am playing catch up).
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Maybe the professor had that individual single you out to cause a conflict to arise, initiating the "storming" phase?? I don't know.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself though, you're totally awesome!! I know- I know, pot calling the kettle black(as far as being self-concious), but it's true, as we say in the States, "you're the cat's ass!" Although it sounds bad, it's actually a good thing...LOL
Erik thinks you're the Cat's Ass, I think you're the Bee's Knees. You just rock!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, because I so overanalyze every single stupid encounter in my life, and always feel guilt even when there is no need for it at all!
You just have to stop basing your feelings of worth on unjustifiable statements from others!! :D
Stop it! Now!
Having met you, I don't know what it is that they could be reacting to-- I think for some reason their issues are within themselves. It's possible, because you're a humorous person, they just don't understand you can also be serious and take being a counselor serious as well. People who aren't funny themselves view being funny as, perhaps not mature. And don't understand that the two can exist together.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I can imagine. You're a good egg, Claire. You have online friends who support you.
@Erik, I know this particular tutor does encourage people to air their grievances and to be honest, even though its horrid I am glad its out in the open. The tutor also didn't think we had done enough PD work, so you may in fact be right(clever sod). I cant help but be hard on myself! I am working through it. Thanks for such a great comment.
ReplyDelete@The Verbal Warrior, You my dear, are putting me to shame! How very dare you talk sense! I think because this course is so intense and you emotionally have to put yourself out there, its harder for me to think sensibly.
@Jenn, I have deliberately not gone into details, because although I am quite comfortable talking about how this makes 'me' feel and that's what I started this blog for, I wouldn't like to get into specifics as that wouldn't be fair, also I dont really know any specifics anyways.
I can speculate that its not actually anything to do with me, maybe my age and personality does play a small part in this and that is good to reflect on, because I know I am going to get clients that will be put off by my age. Its all a challenge and I love the fact that my blog buddies and readers provide such thought and insight!
You are all the dogs bollocks :)
Stop being so hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteI know that is WAY easier SAID than DONE.
Um. I emotionally REACT to every single situation in my life! Dont feel bad about crying!
xxoo
@Meleah, I couldnt help myself! I feel much better about it all now, its definitely been good to get it all out in the open.
ReplyDelete